Brides and Boundaries

When you get engaged it's about the love between the two of you, break out the champagne and toasting flutes, this ride is about to take you to places...good and sometimes bad... you have never been before.

You start to wonder what will my wedding day be like? Who will I ask to be in my wedding? How will we pay for this wedding? What color palette, theme or dress will I have. What should I choose for my budget amount...Will anyone help us financially?

That is the question that most people wonder...the most. 

Traditionally, the bride's family paid for the wedding as they were the ones giving away their daughter and a dowry as well while the groom's family would pay for the reception and the honeymoon but, lets face it, times have changed. Parents only pay for what they can afford or if they want to. Your happily ever after depends solely on you and your significant other. There are some instances where the parents can afford to pay for it and offer to as well. While it is a blessing to some, it is tormenting to others because while good things come to those who wait and the worse thing someone can say to you when you ask for a favor is no... There are some people who will assist you with stipulations attached. 

All too often are we hearing stories in bridal groups of how their parents offered to pay for their wedding in part or in full and held the funds hostage at times when it was inconvenience or decided they would no longer help because the bride, groom or both made a decision the parent or parents did not agree with.

What are a few examples you ask?

• Bride chooses a wedding dress the mother doesn't like.
• Bride chooses a venue the mother says is too far for the other guests.
• Bride and groom have a set guest list and the parents want to add to the list people the couple do not know or relatives they no longer associate with for various reasons, tell them that your wedding is not a family reunion, there are so many days out of the year to make "amends" with family, why choose your wedding day? 

Then there is the one that happens more often than not, you have divorced parents where one cheated or just left and they are with the person they chose to be with when they left or cheated so your wedding is now on the brink of financial ruin all because your mother and father cannot be in the same room together for your wedding day nor can they leave their significant other at home for a few hours just to celebrate you. 

What do you do in this situation?

Set clear boundaries before accepting any financial assistance for your wedding. One or two things can happen; they can huff and puff or just not offer to assist you. 

While the latter of the two is not ideal, and them not assisting is not a guarantee that they will not give you a hard time still, at least you know that you will still be able to create the guest list, have the wedding where you want and the dress of your dreams.

A gift of love should never come with conditions to control you or make you do something you don't want to do.